Friday, November 30, 2012

the v word

8 long months since the last post. I must say that it dawned on me today that I might lead a boring life and have nothing to report.

I know I'm not bored, just boring. Thats how we all answer the question right?

"So what's new with you?"
"Oh, you know...same old. Nothing has really changed. How about you?"
"Yea, nothing is really different, I'm pretty boring I guess"
...and the cycle continues.

I cannot tell you how many times I have had this conversation. But is just can't be true. It can't be true because, well, I'm me and because I'm human and everyday there is something is new and different. Everyday I see a new building or person and experience a new Philadelphia smell.

The real issue is, as a dear friend put it tonight, the "v word". I had many guesses as to what she was eluding to....virginity? victory? veritas? no no no. Vulnerability.....duh.

No one wants to talk about smells, or a conversation that was funny at the time because of how this one person said it this one time in this one voice that they sometimes make; you know the way they say that one word. Repeating those stories never me, I have tried and tried. But instead, people really want to talk about life. They want to talk about what gets them excited and sad and what urges them to put one foot in front of the other day after day. Right? Maybe not, that may be too much for most people to dive in to, especially when they don't really know the person they are talking to.

The bottom line is being known. Everyone wants to be known. But no one really wants everyone to really know their faults. By default, revealing yourself involves revealing your flaws,  no matter how hard you try to hide them. When you become to known to other people, your insecurities are exposed, your weakness is on display and your heart is open for the stomping. And sometimes it hurts. It hurts in a way that makes your physically groan. I've been there. Recently. Everyday.

But sometimes, just sometimes...being known means real relationships. Not those fleeting kind that come and go. It means sharing life with others and talking through things that helps other people keep going when they think that can't possibly go another step. Exposure of your heart can mean growth, wisdom and a full life.

Being vulnerable is hard. But so worth every terrible, life giving, traumatic moment.