Sunday, March 18, 2012

Run.

It's 1:21 am and I should be asleep. But my head spins as I think of the days ahead of me. Decisions, plans, fun.

Pandora is on. "good to sea you" by pinback is playing. The words..................
it's good to see you,
its good to see you go.

are playing on repeat.

it's good to see you,
its good to see you go.

Followed by Foster the people, words repeat
run, better run....

I can't help but think its a sign.

********
Tonight I finished Season 2 of the Walking Dead. Its a zombie show, and before your head spins with judgement and your mouth spurts words of disgust in my general direction, albeit under your breathe. Hear me out. 

On Christmas Eve this past year, my three siblings made me, forced me to watch The Walking Dead, Season 1, Episode 1. I was horrified. And vowed never to watch another episode, but before the end of the night I was on to Episode 3 and then 4. I was hooked, and so were they. They watch this show almost religiously as week after week humans are being eaten and the world seems to be coming closer to an end with every hour that I watch. But I was hooked. Every episode I watch with tense shoulders and a blanket covering my mouth as if to save me from zombie attack out of my television screen. I scream out loud and I cover my eyes. I yell at the characters and my roommates ask my why I continue to watch. But I'm hooked. I cant stop watching. I have recently roped in my roommate and her boyfriend so at least I don't have to watch alone. This helps me feel like the zombies can't get me. 

My siblings and I are very different. Very. Different. But for some reason, we all watch this show about the end of the world. It makes me feel connected to them in some small, strange way. I text them after the show and talk about what happened and see if they know what will happen next. In the midst of feeling like I need to run to escape the impending doom of the end of the world, I watch to feel connected to my family all spread out along the East Coast, the opposite of running. 

Most of the time, running feels good in the moment. But sometimes running doesn't feel good, and even when it feels necessary it doesn't make it the best decision. Sometimes you have to stay and watch the story unfold to feel the most connected. And I feel like that's what we were made for - connections, relationships, staying. 

3 comments:

Unknown said...

I love that last line.
I just came out of a season of wanting to run, but resisting it, and just leaning into "being still". I am so glad I didn't run, because when we run, we lose out on a growing and learning experience from the Lord.

xoxo
Bren

Unknown said...

Great transistions... music, zombies, family, running, and staying.

Andrew Yasso said...

My run this weekend felt great. But it was a different kind of running.